Soft Core Days & Hard Core Parfaits
by Kaesteranya
Summary: Here's where I dump my general flash fiction pieces and standalone shorts for Gintama. Nothing here but introspection and crack srs pairing stuff will go to other sets!
1. Infinite riches in a little room

**Infinite riches in a little room**

_PLEASE DON'T ASK. COULDN'T UNSEE THE IMAGE._

_I am also extremely behind on Gintama, so I feel like I'm vaguely butchering their characters. GOMEN NASAIIIII~~~~ /slitwristdrowninblood_

…_Oh yeah, and the title for this one is taken from the 31 Days theme for February 18, 2008._

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A regular day at the Yorozuya involves an explosion first thing in the morning, courtesy of Okita Sougo. The property destruction is at a minimum, of course, because he was actually attempting to kill his commander, Hijikata Toushirou, who had originally turned up at their doorstep to remind the owner to correct his delinquent behavior or risk being arrested.

Said delinquent owner is out back, of course, eating a strawberry parfait, spoon in one hand, finger of the other hand in his ear as he ignores Shinpachi's fantastic flail over the fact that _Okita just shot a fucking bazooka shell through their home base yet again_. Gintoki is too sleepy (read: too low on sugar) to really care about anything at the moment. Besides, strawberries are manly food, and manly food deserves to be enjoyed no matter what.

Kagura eventually comes around when she feels the presence of her Eternal Rival, and she and Okita promptly get into a long, drawn-out duel right there on the streets, where Hijikata is still squatting by the wall, burned to a crisp but smoking his first cigarette of the day anyway. Gintoki peeks out, just once, to watch them at it and insult Hijikata ("Burned mayonnaise stinks, you know"), and promptly goes back inside, to plop down on the patio and go back to sleep. Shinpachi is still flailing.

Sometime after Kagura and Okita disappear into the not-sunset (because the day isn't over and they intend to fight until it is) and Hijikata decides that there is work to be done and he ought to clean himself up, Katsura comes around because he's run out of money and Gintoki owes him anyway. Elizabeth, of course, is at his shoulder, leering without leering at whoever his master is talking to. Gintoki burps out Katsura's name while Katsura's talking and it sounds a little like "Zura" which launches into a whole new discussion about what Katsura wants to be called versus what Gintoki always insists on calling him. Katsura decides to duel in order to regain his honor. Shinpachi tells them both to take it outside, the building has suffered enough damage. Thankfully, they obey him, and Shinpachi gets a few hours of down time while there's no one to fuss over/scold/beat up. This gives him time to clean and run house-related errands.

It is evening by the time everyone comes back – Kagura riding Sadaharu, Gintoki looking as bored as he was this morning. Kagura looks a little beat up (Okita is the one person who can do that to her, it seems); Gintoki doesn't have a scratch on him (he probably yawned and dodged and generally ignored Katsura throughout their whole 'duel'). Shinpachi kicks his leader into making dinner (it's his turn) so that he can patch Kagura up himself, and listens to the girl babble excitedly about her latest not-so-deathmatch with her Eternal Rival. Shinpachi eventually pinches her nose with a towel and tells her to hold still because he can't clean up her wounds if she's too busy giving him a blow-by-blow account of the Awesome. Sadaharu contents himself with chewing on Gintoki's head while the latter lets the soup simmer.

Dinner is as quiet an occasion as a meal at Yorozuya can get, but Shinpachi has learned, during his time in this place, to appreciate the silence as much as he loves the noise.


	2. Going to bed early doesn't help much

**Going to bed early doesn't help much.**

_The title is taken from the 31 Days theme for January 2, 2007._

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They always come suddenly, right when he's fooled into thinking that everything's okay, that this peace of mind he's experiencing just might become the norm rather than the exception: visions in the desolate reds, blacks and grays of an endless battlefield, the smell of gunpowder and rotting flesh, the sounds of screams. Sometimes, he'd catch a familiar face (Katsura sometimes, Sakamoto sometimes, Takasugi always). Sometimes, he'd dream of what things might have possibly been like, if they had died and he had been too far away to save them, to hold them.

Of course, whenever Kagura gets curious enough and asks him what he thinks about when he's lying around without a copy of Shounen Jump at hand, or dreams about whenever he's asleep, he tells her that he doesn't think of anything much, or dream of anything at all.

She doesn't have to know.

None of them do.


	3. Inflate my ego

**Inflate my ego.**

_The title is taken from the 31 Days theme for November 9, 2007._

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Because Kondo is not one to give up ever and Otae is one to very quickly accept and adjust herself according to whatever life throws at her, Otae has become so familiar with Kondo's modus operandi (read: Stalking Her at Every Corner, in Every Way Possible) that she's already running on autopilot whenever she lays on the smackdown. There are even times when she only realizes that he's done something creepy and semi-perverted after the fact, when he's spinning through the air at a hundred miles per hour, driven by the sheer power of her fist or her foot.

She used to be disheartened at the fact that her violence actually seems to turn him on, or at least make him try to win her over even harder, but Otae is a resilient girl, and this, like all other things, can be turned to her advantage with a sway of her hips and a little sleight-of-hand. Kondo, of course, being the idiot that he is, continues swimming right along after her and doesn't notice a thing, and Otae makes it a point to laugh about that sometimes, whenever she's with the girls from the club and they've all had a bit too much to drink.

No one has to know, however, about the fact that maybe – just maybe – she thinks it's cute and semi-endearing how she's got an overgrown puppy in uniform right at her heels, sniffing at her ankles and drooling on the ground she walks on.


	4. Bring me lasting light

**Bring me lasting light.**

_The title is taken from the 31 Days theme for October 16, 2009._

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Years ago, back during the war, Sakata Gintoki used to pass out after the last sword stroke and come to, hours later, in a field stained red from all the blood and up to his eyeballs in corpses. Odd, perhaps, how rather than freak out or cry or maybe turn around and kill something else, he'd pick himself right back up, spend the next hour rummaging around for survivors, and, whether he'd find someone or not, turn right back around and start the long walk back home. No need to think, no need to wonder if someone will be waiting for him at the gate, with a clean change of clothes and a bottle of sake. There's always going to be someone still there for him in the end, he used to convince himself. There's no way he'll end up stumbling back to empty rooms and an empty table.

Every battle, though, meant more vacant spots at dinner, after he's survived and come back to tell the tale. More graves to dig, more swords to thrust into the earth.

He abandoned the war before they ran out of space in the old school courtyard.

These days feel like a repeat of history. Gintoki doesn't walk alone again – he's never been this crowded in since he was still in school, in fact, because if Kagura isn't harassing him about sukonbu, Shinpachi's kicking him about the rent. They're noisy, even at night: Kagura snoring in the closet, Shinpachi up late, not-so-discretely doing vocal aerobics with sing-a-long videos of Otsuu concerts. They're consistent, so consistent it's annoying. So consistent that if there's just one day where either one of them's a little late to get back from a job, or off doing something else when they're usually in, he finds himself looking for them before he can stop himself.

He never wanted to fall back into the old routine of expecting someone to watch his back during a fight or man the base until he returns – it's easier to deal with loss and the inevitable departure if you never get attached in the first place and kick out who ever threatens to come close. As the days turn to weeks turn to months, however, after every job and every stupid hijink at the dinner table, Gintoki figures that maybe it isn't so bad. Maybe these two kids, irritating as they are, can stay.


End file.
